One Liner Central

166

2010-05-03T10:28:00.000-07:00

"I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me."

165

2010-04-22T20:27:00.001-07:00

An intellectual is a man who takes more words than necessary to tell more than he knows.

164

2010-04-16T01:33:00.001-07:00

The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which to burn.

163

2010-04-15T10:30:00.001-07:00

Sometimes what's right isn't as important as what's profitable.

162

2010-04-14T07:47:00.001-07:00

Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.

161

2010-04-13T10:02:00.001-07:00

An undefined problem has an infinite number of solutions.

160

2010-04-12T08:40:00.001-07:00

The average person thinks he isn't.

159

2010-04-09T20:49:00.001-07:00

Never eat more than you can lift.

158

2010-04-08T19:20:00.001-07:00

Language is the source of misunderstandings.

157

2010-04-05T05:43:00.001-07:00

Misquotation is, in fact, the pride and privilege of the learned. A widely- read man never quotes accurately, for the rather obvious reason that he has read too widely.

156

2010-03-27T21:38:00.001-07:00

Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter because nobody listens.

155

2010-03-26T21:24:00.001-07:00

When everyone is against you, it means that you are absolutely wrong-- or absolutely right.

154

2010-03-25T23:36:00.001-07:00

No man needs a vacation so much as the man who has just had one.

Restarting after a long time
:)

153

2008-05-04T05:29:00.001-07:00

Accept the challenges so that you can feel the exhilaration of victory

152

2008-04-26T23:34:00.000-07:00

The trick is to be nice to people till you are RICH
then, they will be nice to you

# 151

2008-02-15T04:23:00.000-08:00

"We're not lost. We're locationally challenged."

# 150

2008-02-14T09:14:00.001-08:00

"Give a man a fish, and he'll eat for a day. Give a fish a man, and he'll eat for weeks!"

# 149

2008-02-04T06:54:00.000-08:00

"A compromise is the art of dividing a cake in such a way that everyone believes he has the biggest piece"

# 148

2008-01-11T23:44:00.002-08:00

Work is the curse of the drinking classes. - Oscar Wilde

# 147

2008-01-11T23:44:00.001-08:00

Sanity calms, but madness is more interesting. - John Russell

# 146

2008-01-11T23:42:00.000-08:00

Failure is not the only punishment for laziness; there is also the success of others. - Jules Renard

# 145

2007-12-26T04:43:00.000-08:00

"Saying what we think gives us a wider conversational range than saying what we know"- not mine

#144

2007-12-13T19:54:00.000-08:00

The conventional view serves to protect us from the painful job of thinking.

#143

2007-12-09T21:08:00.001-08:00

"Everything is funny as long as it is happening to Somebody Else"

#142

2007-12-04T00:26:00.000-08:00

"I like being single.I'm always there whn I need me "

#141

2007-11-21T23:21:00.001-08:00

I am a deeply superficial person.

# 140

2007-11-21T23:19:00.000-08:00

"Finance is the art of passing money from hand to hand until it finally disappears"

# 139

2007-09-24T00:33:00.001-07:00

The things we know best are the things we haven't been taught.

# 138

2007-09-17T21:12:00.001-07:00

It is not how old you are, but how you are old

#137

2007-09-07T03:30:00.000-07:00

The third-rate mind is only happy when it is thinking with the majority. The second-rate mind is only happy when it is thinking with the minority. The first-rate mind is only happy when it is thinking.- AA Milne

#136

2007-08-25T23:11:00.000-07:00

Lots of people know what to do, BUT A FEW PEOPLE ACTUALLY DO WHAT THEY KNOW!

# 135

2007-08-14T00:22:00.000-07:00

If the Phone Doesn't Ring, It's Me

#134

2007-08-08T04:25:00.001-07:00

Men who dont understand women, always fall into two categories....bachelors and husbands!!!!"

#133

2007-07-31T01:53:00.001-07:00

Every great idea has a disadvantage equal to or exceeding the greatness of the idea.

#132

2007-07-31T01:52:00.002-07:00

Whichever way you turn upon entering an elevator, the buttons will be on the opposite side.

#131

2007-07-31T01:52:00.001-07:00

An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less until he knows absolutely everything about nothing

#130

2007-07-31T01:48:00.000-07:00

a The other lines moves faster.
b If you change lines, the one you just left will start to move faster than the one you are now in .
c Switching back screws up both lines and makes everybody angry.

#129

2007-07-31T01:45:00.000-07:00

Everything depends, Nothing is always,Everything is sometimes.

#128

2007-07-31T01:44:00.000-07:00

The distance to the airport terminal is inversely proportional to the time available to catch your flight.

#127

2007-07-31T01:43:00.001-07:00

Laws of Progeny performance:

a. Any child who chatters non-stop at home will adamantly refuse to utter a word when asked to demonstrate for an audience.
b. Any shy, introverted child will choose a crowded public area to loudly demonstrate newly acquired vocabulary.

# 126

2007-07-25T21:16:00.000-07:00

"Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else's can shorten it."

# 125

2007-07-01T22:41:00.001-07:00

Contrary to general belief, I do not believe that friends are necessarily the people you like best, they are merely the people who got there first.

# 124

2007-06-27T02:22:00.000-07:00

Never raise your hand to your children - it leaves your midsection unprotected

# 123

2007-06-15T21:04:00.000-07:00

The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat

#122

2007-06-04T21:25:00.000-07:00

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

# 121

2007-06-03T22:11:00.000-07:00

Happiness is an imaginary condition, formerly attributed by the living to the dead, now usually attributed by adults to children, and by children to adults.

# 120

2007-05-29T00:53:00.000-07:00

The height of cleverness is to be able to conceal it.

# 119

2007-05-26T02:08:00.000-07:00

Do or Do not, there is no try.:- Yoda

# 118

2007-05-15T05:46:00.000-07:00

Contentment is not the fulfillment of what you want, but the realization of how much you already have.

# 117

2007-05-07T10:42:00.000-07:00

Never make the mistake of trusting your heart with the one you intensely hurt, once upon a time.

#116

2007-05-03T20:12:00.000-07:00

Life isn't fair. It's just fairer than death, that's all.

# 115

2007-04-19T20:26:00.000-07:00

Nothing will work unless you do

#114

2007-04-16T22:56:00.000-07:00

Just because something doesn't do what you planned it to do doesn't mean it's useless. - Thomas A. Edison

# 113

2007-04-13T20:56:00.000-07:00

Reality leaves a lot to the imagination

# 112

2007-04-03T20:54:00.001-07:00

"If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten."

# 111

2007-03-30T04:01:00.000-07:00

"Discontent is the first necessity of progress."

# 110

2007-03-29T22:18:00.000-07:00

You can't wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club. - Jack London

# 109

2007-03-28T20:51:00.001-07:00

A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but after a while he gets to know something. - Wilson Mizner

# 108

2007-03-28T00:30:00.000-07:00

जीवन में भाग लो यां भाग लो !! ( In Life Either Participate or Run Away OR Either Run Away Or Participate)

# 107

2007-03-23T22:14:00.000-07:00

"Fight truth decay"

# 106

2007-03-23T21:56:00.000-07:00

"If two wrongs don't make a right, try three."

# 105

2007-03-21T04:06:00.001-07:00

When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained. - Mark Twain

# 104

2007-03-16T21:13:00.000-07:00

When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators. - PJ O'Rourke

# 103

2007-03-02T19:23:00.000-08:00

We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience

# 102

2007-03-02T04:04:00.000-08:00

Men are not against you; they are merely for themselves. - Gene Fowler

# 101

2007-02-27T19:27:00.000-08:00

I can, therefore I am."

# 100

2007-02-22T20:59:00.000-08:00

Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask what's for lunch. - Orson Welles

#99

2007-01-27T23:35:00.000-08:00

Treat your friends just the way you treat a picture. Place them in good light.- Ethan

# 98

2007-01-26T08:51:00.000-08:00

"the jobs that pay the rent " -
From The Devil Wears Prada

# 97

2007-01-05T02:28:00.001-08:00

We've heard that a million monkeys at a million keyboards could produce the complete works of Shakespeare; now, thanks to the Internet, we know that is not true. - Robert Wilensky

# 96

2007-01-05T02:27:00.001-08:00

The beginning of knowledge is the discovery of something we do not understand. - Frank Herbert

# 95

2006-12-30T09:56:00.000-08:00

Not everyhting that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts , can be counted

2006-11-26T02:01:00.000-08:00

# 94

We make our own fortunes and call them fate.

2006-11-21T22:20:00.000-08:00

# 93

Cigarette : A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool at the other.

# 92

2006-11-17T02:09:00.000-08:00

Most of the people are not like Most of the People (TM, original by me)

# 91

2006-11-09T03:00:00.000-08:00

"Reality is an illusion caused by lack of alcohol"
- Sir Johny Walker

2006-10-25T23:10:00.000-07:00

# 90

Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but then again,neither does milk.

2006-10-25T23:09:00.000-07:00

# 89

Life is pleasant.Death is peaceful.It's the transition that's troublesome.

2006-10-25T23:08:00.000-07:00

# 88

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.

2006-10-25T22:59:00.000-07:00

# 87

We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don't like?

2006-10-25T22:56:00.000-07:00

# 86

Complex problems have simple, easy to understand wrong answers.

# 85

2006-10-23T08:51:00.000-07:00

There is a thin line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an IDIOT

# 84

2006-10-22T07:04:00.001-07:00

He who laughs last, thinks slowest!!

# 83

2006-10-22T07:04:00.000-07:00

Its all fun and games, until someone looses a tooth, then it is hockey!

# 82

2006-10-22T07:03:00.000-07:00

Give some people and inch and that think they are rulers!

# 81

2006-10-15T20:34:00.000-07:00

If everyone is thinking alike, then somebody isn't thinking

# 80

2006-10-13T23:16:00.000-07:00

Success comes in cans, Failure comes in can'ts!

# 79

2006-09-28T21:43:00.000-07:00

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others

# 78

2006-09-28T21:41:00.000-07:00

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate

# 77

2006-09-26T11:19:00.001-07:00

The shortest way to do many things is to do only one thing at once.

# 76

2006-09-24T20:42:00.000-07:00

Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it

# 75

2006-09-18T22:44:00.000-07:00

If your parents never had children, chances are you won't, either - it's hereditary.

# 74

2006-09-18T01:48:00.000-07:00

There are no stupid questions, but there are a LOT of inquisitive idiots

# 73

2006-09-14T00:23:00.001-07:00

The beginning is always today."

# 72

2006-09-14T00:23:00.000-07:00

When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick

# 71

2006-09-14T00:21:00.000-07:00

We can't become what we need to be by remaining what we are.

2006-09-11T21:27:00.000-07:00

# 70

It's not the fall that kills you. It's the sudden stop at the end.

2006-09-11T21:26:00.000-07:00

# 69

Life is unsure; always eat your dessert first.

2006-09-11T21:25:00.000-07:00

# 68

If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you'll have trouble putting on your pants.

2006-09-11T21:22:00.000-07:00

# 67

Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.